The best skincare/beauty tips I've learned at age 40
Guys and girls, listen up
Dear readers,
I know you’re dying to know about my Korea glow up but I need to give it a bit more time! The full results show 4-6 weeks after and I’m right on the cusp. Also I’m waiting for the clinic to send me the itemized costs so I can be transparent with you.
Today, let me share with you the best skincare/beauty tips I’ve learned this past year in my deep dive into this world as I attempt to age gracefully. Guys, you need to pay attention to because if this 70 year old man can lay down his ego and do it, you can too. People in your 20s and 30s, listen up because the time to start is now.
You Reap What You Sow
Sunscreen is Your Best Friend
There is No Magic Shortcut or Miracle Product
Common Sense > Influencer Advice
Thinking Like an Investor
1. You Reap What You Sow
All throughout my 20s, my mom kept hassling me to drink water, wear sunscreen and prioritize sleep. I was like, whatever mom, I’m fine. As much as I hate to admit she was right, MOM YOU WERE RIGHT. In my teens and 20s, I had clinical eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia), slept erratically, exercised sporadically, never wore sunscreen (I can’t even remember buying sunscreen in my 20s lol). I accidentally drank fake alcohol in Beijing, partied till the early hours on a weekly basis, and practiced many of the excesses common to 20 somethings who think they are exempt from the consequences.
Well guess what, I’m 40 and many of those lifestyle habits I had in my 20s and early 30s came to roost in my mid 30s (I know can’t help having had the eating disorders, they were psychological). Then motherhood hit and that threw a giant wrench into my face and health. I pee myself occasionally thanks to my pelvic floor being wrecked by two vaginal deliveries; I have lean PCOS (PCOS can be worsened by eating disorders) which required me to take ovulation induction medication to conceive, and sub-clinical hypothyroidism (studies show that people with a history of eating disorders may be more at risk of hypothyroidism); I developed melasma after having kids (hormonal fluctuations around pregnancy/postpartum can cause melasma), which worsened my hyperpigmentation from decades of refusing to use sun protection. Shall I go on?
I’m aware that some of this was unavoidable, because even healthy bodies have ramifications from birthing children. But I can’t help but think that if I had respected my body more in my callow youth, perhaps my health now wouldn’t quite be so complicated. I’m not saying, don’t drink, don’t party, don’t have fun - this and doing dumb shit like taking ecstasy during a rave is part of being young. But just know that even if you don’t feel the consequences now, you will in the future. I just wish someone other than my mother (who triggers me in so many ways so I tend not to listen to her haranguing) had told me the facts. I’d have been more likely to listen to an older version of me than my own mother.
2. Sunscreen is Your Best Friend
In my 20s, I saw an old school dermatologist in Chicago in hopes of identifying a good skincare routine and he told me, “Look, you don’t need any fancy creams. 90%+ of wrinkles is caused by sun damage. Just wear sun protection.” Did I listen? Nope. Went right out the other ear.
After I had kids, I noticed a significant increase in hyperpigmentation on my cheeks. Hormones can worsen existing hyperpigmentation and cause melasma. So I freaked out and started wearing sunscreen regularly at age…THIRTY SIX. Ok cool, better late than never you say. But the damage has already been done. Wrinkles, sun spots, blah blah blah. And now I’ve spent $$$ trying to reverse all that (more on that here).
The lesson is simple, just wear sunscreen and a hat. Put on sunscreen every day, rain or shine. Why? Because there are two types of ultraviolet radiation: UVA and UVB. See below for ChatGPT’s breakdown.
So even if it’s cloudy and raining, or even if you’re indoors all day, there are still UVA rays hanging out on your face. I put on sunscreen daily and I re-apply every 2-3 hours, even more frequently if I’m outside and/or sweating. I also wear a hat when there’s sun, even in winter. I now own maybe 20 hats (baseball caps, wool hats, sun visors, old Chinese lady hats), and I DGAF if someone looks at me weirdly on the street. I’ve trained both of my daughters since age 2 to apply sunscreen and wear hats. I scare them Asian mom style with my stories of having to do lasers because I didn’t use sun protection, and do they want to deal with that in the future. Their answer is always no, and therefore on goes the sunscreen 😂.
If you have hyperpigmentation, it’s recommended to wear tinted sunscreens, which offer greater protection. For a list of my favorite sunscreens, which are inevitably Korean or Japanese or European (American sunscreen filters are crappy and new ones haven’t been approved in ages), check out my Shop My shelf (I may receive a commission). Note that foreign brands sold in the US, like Beauty of Joseon or La Roche-Posay, have to change their Korean/European formulations to adhere to US standards and so the products are NOT the same as what are sold in Korea/Europe. My favorite sites to purchase Asian sunscreens are Stylevana and YesStyle (I haven’t yet experienced tariff cost/availability issues except for Chinese brands being unavailable).
3. There is No Magic Shortcut or Miracle Product
I sometimes get messages from friends asking me, “Kate, what can fix my wrinkles/dark eye circles/etc.” Nothing, sorry. Any single product that promises a miracle fix is just marketing to your fears.
I have used SO many skincare products in my life - American, French, Hungarian, Spanish, British, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Thai, etc - and on a wide price spectrum (the most I’ve paid is $200 for a product). And I can tell you, not one product miraculously changed my skin. Do I love my $186 Skinceuticals C E Ferulic serum? Heck yeah, but did it change my life? Nope.
The “magic” is creating a personalized routine of products that are appropriate for your skin type, skin needs, and adopting a consistent, healthy lifestyle that can help you look more youthful/have better skin. If you’re working late hours and eating out, it’s no surprise you’re breaking out. Yeah I can tell you the best pimple patches and concealer, but that doesn’t actually fix the problem at its root.
The things I’ve done to change my skin/health (which affects skin/aging) are:
Sunscreen (see above)
Always washing my face before bed with a gentle oil cleanser, regardless of how tired I am and even if I did not wear makeup that day
Finding inexpensive Korean skincare products to protect my skin barrier and products from the US/Europe with active ingredients like vitamin c, retinoids/bakuchiol (natural alternative to retinol), BHA, alpha arbutin, hyaluronic acid, etc. Note that Korean skincare products contain little active ingredients and are best for moisturizing rather than treating a specific concern. This is because Koreans get skincare treatments more frequently and therefore don’t tend to need as many active ingredients in their at-home products.
Getting professional skincare treatments at dermatology clinics. I prefer to do mine in Asia as I travel there 1-2x/year. Lasers to reduce hyperpigmentation, Sculptra as a biostimulator to increase collagen, Rejuran HB to rejuvenate and rehydrate, Botox to reduce muscle movement and therefore minimize the look of wrinkles on my glabella (space between eyebrows) and eye corners (crow’s feet). Trust me, all the influencers with glowy skin are doing this in addition to whatever “magical” skincare products they are peddling. There is NO WAY you can look that good without aesthetic treatments. You can access many of these services in the US, albeit at a higher price. There are also Korean style aesthetic clinics emerging, especially in NYC and LA area, such as Airem. Read about my experience in Bangkok with my friend Dr Pang here.
Consistent exercise routine that I like and can sustain. I’ve been practicing yoga on and off for eight years, and I take two vinyasa classes a week. I tried doing yoga at home but I simply can’t maintain it, so it’s worth it for me to pay for studio classes. I also walk my dog 2x/day even in rainy weather and try to get 8-10k steps in. That’s it! I have tried weight training, running, swimming, Pilates, but I feel good with my current routine because it’s reasonable and I know I can make it happen. A lot of people fall off the exercise bandwagon because they aim too high and can’t sustain it. Be pragmatic and take baby steps, especially if you’re new to an exercise routine.
Eating out less and cooking at home with higher quality ingredients. I ate out a lot in my 20s and early 30s, it was mostly unavoidable. And I still do when I’m in Asia because it’s so cheap and IMHO there are more healthier options. But let’s be honest, costs are increasing in the US, and $7 coffees just aren’t sustainable. I don’t have time to cook elaborate meals so I specialize in one pot meals and stir fries. I rotate the same dozen dishes every week and buy my groceries at Whole Foods or on Weee! I don’t stock many packaged snacks at home (mostly my husband’s chips and Indian snack mixes and Goldfish for the kids), so I’m less tempted to nosh on those. I value fresh over so-called organic - for example, I’ll buy freshly baked Japanese shokupan from a local bakery rather than a commercial brand of whole-wheat bread that has a bunch of preservatives.
Listening to my body and sleeping more. I just need way more sleep than my husband and I used to feel guilty for it, but no longer. I often fall asleep with the kids and stay asleep till 7:30am. I just found out that I’m hypothyroid, which explains why I feel tired constantly and need more sleep. Next step is finding an endocrinologist, but for now, I eschew evening social activities in favor of nourishing my body. Don’t let FOMO wreck your body. Lean into nights in and sleeping early.
Saying no and doing less of things I don’t need to do. For most of my life, I felt obligated to say yes to everything. Many first generational Asian women are conditioned to be like this, fearful that saying no means you’re being mean. Thanks to therapy, I was finally able to depersonalize saying no and I say it often now, in multitudinous and hopefully kindly ways. Do I still over-commit? Heck yes, and do I have qualms about canceling or rescheduling non-emergent appointments if I feel overwhelmed? Heck no. I also avoid over scheduling my kids - this year, I dropped down to 1 activity total across 2 kids and it was AMAZING. I’m not against extracurriculars, but I am against doing them because of FOMO and keeping up with the Joneses. My kids are perfectly happy coming home after school for imaginative play, Legos, trampolining, reading books with mama, etc. Their childhood is already 100x better than mine because they have had two loving parents full-time by their side since their birth.
4. Common Sense > Influencer Advice
My husband calls me a sucker because I get “influenced” to buy products all the time. This is so true, especially when I first had kids. I definitely succumbed to FOMO and bought all the stereotypical bougie mom brands: Gathre, Stokke, Veer, House of Noa, Lovevery, blah blah blah. Honestly speaking, I have either sold or given away most of those items by now and not always because my kids have outgrown them. The primary reason is that those products never fit in our lifestyle anyway. Example: why buy an all-terrain design wagon (Veer) when we barely do outdoorsy activities?
The same idea holds for skincare and beauty products that are promoted by influencers. If you don’t have the budget, the time, or the same skin type, what’s the point of buying holy grail products? I’m always shocked by how little many influencers talk about the quality of their own skin before recommending products. Different skin types need different routines and treatments. I always thought I had combo skin, with oil t-zone and normal skin elsewhere, because that’s what is “common”. But it turns out, my skin is very dehydrated and tends towards the dry with a normal t-zone. I didn’t find this out until a professional skin analysis and I regret not spending the money to consult a professional until now. This is related to my final point below.
5. Thinking Like an Investor
Everybody wants the best results for the minimum amount of spend. The problem is, how do you know what the best results are if you don’t even know what you’re starting with? And also, what does “minimum amount of spend” mean?
After experimenting with so many skincare products, I really wish I had just paid out of pocket to see an aesthetic dermatologist early on to identify my skin condition and issues. Sure, most of the products I tried were not that expensive (under $50), but that cost adds up over time, and time is also money. The skin analysis I did in Seoul this year showed that my skin is pretty dehydrated, both on the surface in terms of skin quality, and also in terms of my underlying tissue (so I need to drink more water). I’ve focused on repairing my skin barrier after aesthetic treatments with inexpensive Korean products like the Aestura Atobarrier Cream and Purito Mighty Panthenol Bamboo Cream, and I haven’t had a single pimple (although the lasers also helped so, I can’t say what was truly the cause).
But my point is, why buy multiple containers of $400 La Mer cream when you can buy a round trip economy ticket from the West Coast of the US to Seoul for less than $800 (off peak). Many treatments are cheaper than the La Mer cream and achieve better results faster. Similarly, why buy $50 Chanel lipsticks and drop $$$ on designer foundations and concealers when you can save up that money to spend on skincare treatments and products? Years of living in Europe and Asia made me realize that American women are obsessed with makeup and spend a lot on makeup, blowouts and manicures, and yet pay relatively little attention to their skin. If we allotted more time and money to our skin, we wouldn’t NEED all that expensive makeup to look great. After my treatments in Bangkok and Seoul, I’ve found myself eschewing makeup more often because my skin looks so good au natural. Now I just stick to inexpensive Korean makeup products in hues more suited to my skin (thanks color analysis).
Skinfluencer Amy Chang did a reel on the economics of flying to Seoul for skincare treatments vs doing them in the US, and while I quibble with some of the numbers, the general concept is true! Aesthetic dermatology is so much less expensive in Asia due to a number of reasons (greater demand/greater competition, more innovation, different malpractice laws etc), and if you do your research and find a reputable clinic, and know what you want, I highly recommend it. I stopped getting facials in the US last year because I just didn’t notice a difference in my skin. I’ve tried facials at Skinspirit (a high end US medspa chain), a local high end spa, and with an at-home Chinese aesthetician. I used to get a facial once a quarter to the tune of $180-200, so that’s $800 worth of savings per year, which gets me a round trip flight to Seoul. Add on a few hundred bucks worth of treatments and I do feel that the result is way better than getting professional facials quarterly in the US. I’m not telling you not to get facials - if they’re in your budget, by all means go for it! But I’m pointing out that if you spent that money going to Korea instead, you’d get perhaps an even better outcome.
Okay that’s a wrap for my lessons! Keep an eye out for my Korea trip glow up series!